tricks of the trade--first impressions

In Adler's schema, those who harbor substantial "feelings of superiority" towards others, who lack social interest, are those most likely to suffer psychological difficulties (typically experiencing "feelings of inferiority," a phrase first used by Adler).

Toying with "the underclasses" for sport is, of course, one of the key indicators of those with this personality make up. I've worked with companies who take candidates to dinner in order to, among other things, see how they treat the waitstaff.

--Tom Guarriello, commenting at Grant McCracken's blog

Man, I hope I was nice to the waitstaff when I got taken to dinner. I'm pretty sure I was--that's kind of thing with me. The only time I can remember overtly pissing off a server with something I said was when I asked a waitress if anyone had ever told her she looked like Belinda Carlisle. I'm damned if I know why she found that insulting. (Perhaps she was just too young to appreciate that I definitely meant that as a compliment. Which is to say, too young to know who Belinda Carlisle is.)

Anyway, I have since refrained from comparing the waitstaff with 80's pop stars.

The strategy Mr. Guarriello mentions is so obvious in its brilliance and simplicity, I can't believe I didn't think of it. Maybe it's because I've never had to hire anyone.

Interviews are strange things. I have interviewed people in a sort of "advise and consent" role for my bosses, and I have come to realize what a valuable experience that is to have. This is especially true for me for two reasons: 1--I will be in a position to be hiring people in the not-too-distant future, and 2--something I've realized about myself over the past few years is that I'm really not very good with first impressions.

Surely, much of this is innate skill. Some people just read others really well, really fast. They make good politicians and managers, and in extreme cases can make a great living off of people's grief.

Clearly, I am not one of these people. I misread people all the time. I'm a sucker for simple charisma and charm, at least intitally. People I tend to think of as "interesting" when I first meet them later turn out to be "bipolar". Conversely (and no, I will not give examples, so don't even ask) a few people I have found really off-putting when I've first met them have later become great and valued friends.

In the arena of personal relationships, this shortcoming is hardly cripling. Keep an open mind, pay attention, and when you realize that person you thought was "creative and vibrant" is actually "borderline schizophrenic", stop talking to them. (Change your cell number, if necessary.)

In professional life, though, the stakes are--if not higher, certainly more tangible. Hire the wrong person, and the cost of getting rid of and replacing them can be considerable. Take the wrong job, and getting away from your crazy boss can be even more expensive (to you, at least).

My point here is that getting better at first impressions is a worthwhile goal.

OK, so I've got the dinner trick. If he/she's a jerk to their waiter, you don't want them supervising your people. Another good one is that if they don't have the common sense to stay a drink behind you at dinner, they're probably not too bright, either.

What else? Eye contact--doesn't seem to mean much (sociopaths can hold a gaze like no one else). I think if someone owns a dog, they're probably good people, but there are always exceptions. If you could listen in on a conversation with a significant other, and see how they speak to him/her, that would probably reveal volumes--but that would be unethical.

I would be very interested to know how people go about reading people. If you have any stories, thoughts, or strategies you're willing to share, I would be grateful.